Hell, Michigan
Greetings from sunny Hell
What could give your bragging about having been to Hell and back more street cred than a trip to Hell, Michigan? Think about the joy of having a point of reference the next time someone says, “It’s hotter than Hell today”, or to truly know what a snowball’s chance there is. Don’t let the name fool you – although it would be fun to provide pictures of Death Valley or Kilauea and let you believe this is what Hell looks like, this couldn’t be farther from the truth; I would liken parts of nearby Detroit as more befitting the name of Hell. The tiny town is about 20 miles from Ann Arbor as the crow flies (you can substitute a raven if you’d like) and as is true of much of that region of the Midwest it is relatively flat. The drive takes you through picturesque green rolling pasture and farmland, and while the road to Hell is assumed to be paved with good intentions, I am sorry to report that it is smooth, well-kept asphalt – not even brimstone!
The road to Hell is paved with asphalt
The origin of the name is up for debate – the general consensus is that original settler George Reeves was asked what the new town should be named and replied, “You can name it Hell for all I care” and so it has been since 1841. The town’s primary source of income appears to be tourism, aside from the small local farms. The town’s population had dwindled over the years down to a modest 50 people back in the 1990s, but its lure as a place to say you’ve been to has boosted the recent population to over 250. A single green “Hell” sign on the highway lets you know you’re headed straight to hell; it isn’t until you drive into what can roughly be called “downtown” that you know you’re there. There are three buildings of note, each next to each other. The first is a general store with a tiny post office in the back. You can buy souvenirs here, including T-shirts from the fictional Dam University (yes, they read “Dam U”) and postcards which can be conveniently sent from the general store post office with a Hell, Michigan postmark (although they are served by the post office in adjacent Pinckney).
The dam on Hell Creek
Walking across the parking lot there is a tall post with signs showing the direction and distances of major world cities; at the end is the Screams Ice Cream parlor. The outside wall facing the parking lot is a favorite photo opportunity – since being converted from a liquor store they have changed the artwork to a more flame-oriented logo, still providing the perfect backdrop for those lovable family photos. Unfortunately in the renovation they also removed the freestanding “Welcome to Hell” sign that stood out front. Moving down the road is the Dam Site Inn, a small restaurant on the banks of Hell Creek with a view of the creek and it’s infamous dam. Suffice it to say the dam on Hell Creek is one of the town’s main attractions and the place to determine exactly when Hell freezes over.
The townsfolk are friendly and eager to serve (you, not Satan) and take a lighthearted approach to the town’s name and reputation, a veritable yearlong Halloween party. It isn’t the kind of place you’d want to stay for a few days (you would suffer boredom long before fear), but if you’re in the area it’s worth a visit. Take my friendly advice and when in the Ann Arbor area, go to Hell!
Hell, Michigan
Post Office / General Store
4025 Patterson Lake Road
Pinckney, MI 48169-8739
GPS Coordinates: 42°26’3.87″N 83°59’6.94″W
