The Big Unit
Alice Cooper’stown, Phoenix, Arizona
Just so there’s no surprises
Like the Paul Stanley/Gene Simmons-owned Rock and Brews and the now-defunct Lynyrd Skynyrd BBQ & Beer in Las Vegas, Phoenix’s Alice Cooper’stown entices with the promise of sex and booze and rock and roll, but takes the stage as a family-oriented, themed sports bar. The sports theme is amplified at Alice Cooper’stown by the partnership of shock rocker Alice Cooper and baseball legend Randy “The Big Unit” Johnson – instead of a Hard Rock Cafe knock-off, AC displays a hodge-podge array of Cooper’s (and others’) music paraphernalia and sports memorabilia. The location of the brick warehouse building under the shadow of US Airways Center (home of the Phoenix Suns) and a few blocks from the Diamondbacks’ Chase Field guarantees standing room only post-games, although on a night when the stadiums are dark, it’s relatively easy to get a table. The layout is a bit confusing – unless you’re both a jock and a rocker, you may find the wall-to-wall displays erratic; Alice Cooper’s straightjacket on one wall, a Boston Bruins jersey adjacent. The deepest the wait staff delve into Cooper’s nightmare is to sport a cross between his harlequin eye make-up and eye black – unless you pay attention to the clippings lacquered into the table tops, you could easily forget who owns the joint, especially with games on the big screens competing with the blaring music.
The Bases Loaded Big Unit
As far as the fare goes, resign yourself to the fact that this is sports bar grub – the appetizers are decent, but the entrees are hit and miss (imagine a Cubano with avocado). The fried cheese curds are firm, yet gooey and satisfying; battered and deep-fried disks of red and green jalapeño have a nice kick. The standard menu alone isn’t honestly worth waiting in queue on game night, but there is one legendary item on the menu that alone is worth a return visit – the fearsome, baseball bat-sized behemoth known as The Big Unit. Johnson’s namesake is a colossal 22″ wiener that is every bit as formidable as it sounds. Anyone who purports that size doesn’t matter has never stared down the business end of this hot dog; although individual attempts have been made to go the full nine innings with The Big Unit, the wait staff relate the sad fate of those who think quaffing a few to help the John Holmes of sausagedom down in very graphic and disturbing terms.
In the belly of the beast
This is not swordplay of exaggerated dimensions – The Big Unit can and should be shared by a table full of patrons. Food celebrities Anthony Bourdain and Adam Richman have both wrapped their lips around this sausage fest, although neither polished it off on camera. The basic Big Unit arrives at the table with both ends protruding from the baguette it rests in, surrounded by a clutter of fries, but the real challenge is stepping up to the plate to take down what is dubbed The Man v. Food Bases Loaded Big Unit after the master of masochistic mastication himself. As if the hefty beef sword wasn’t intimidating enough, this leviathan red hot is smothered with “Nightmare Chili”, bacon, cheese, sauerkraut, jalapeños, tomato, onions, and pickle relish and is enough to scare the daylights out of Linda Lovelace. While The Big Unit presents itself as a novelty dish that the kitchen hurriedly rushes out in anticipation of a celebration of carpet painting, the real surprise is that pound-for-pound, it’s actually quite an exceptional piece of meat. The Vienna Beef hot dog is of the same lineage as the fabled Chicago dog, and to try to consume it in a show of competitive eating superiority is a waste of its quality. The sausage has snap and is pink and moist all the way through, and would be an outstanding menu item at even a sixth of its size.
Cross-section of The Big Unit
If for no other reason than to tackle The Big Unit, grab about five friends and rock on down to Alice Cooper’stown to enjoy on this memorable sausage. Should you chose to go it alone, I’m sure you’ll have a much clearer understanding of what Cooper had in mind when he said, “Welcome to My Nightmare”.
Alice Cooper’stown
101 E Jackson Street
Phoenix AZ 85004
GPS Coordinates: 33°26’41.69″N 112° 4’19.56″W
