Food Porn

Pig penis

The finished product - Dick-on-a-Stick

By now you’ve seen the word “penis” twice; if the sound of the word or penile imagery makes you uncomfortable, this is fair warning that you will probably not enjoy this article.  Before you ask Bertha Bumiller to round up the Smut Snatchers of the New Order, I should tell you that the penis in question recently belonged to a male sus scofa (the domesticated Kunekune pig of New Zealand). I don’t think it’s much of a stretch to say that this article may redefine the oddly named photographic phenomenon known as “food porn”. Forgive the penile puns and double-entendre, but the penis as food is not a new aspect of modern gastronomy or a hardcore adaptation of the “nose-to-tail” movement; other cultures have been eating this member of the meat family for millennia (as covered previously in articles on bull penis).

Newly-opened Lindy & Grundy butcher shop in L.A.

Up front, let me state for the record that I did not scour the meat department of my local 99 Ranch Market looking for Porky’s personality; I had responded to a tweet by friends and friendly neighborhood L.A. butchers Lindy & Grundy who stated that a pig came in packing heat (they are normally removed prior to them receiving the carcass) and that they were looking for any takers for the less-than-mighty pork sword. I doubt anyone was surprised when I laid claim to the economy cut, and since friend and colleague Eddie Lin was in the area, he offered to swing by and grab my penis (“fair warning”, remember?).

The terrible pork sword

The issue of actually eating the object was never in doubt, but it took a while to decide how to prepare it. After deliberating over several ideas, it was decided that it would be the perfect way to break in the gleaming new deep fryer I received for my birthday, but we still had to come to agreement on a recipe. The somewhat diminutive size of the meat whistle ruled out any preparation involving slicing, dicing or julienne frying, which led to the obvious conclusion – corn dogging the thing. Using an online recipe for corn dog batter, we whipped up a batch of the tasty dip and slid that bad boy in. I’ll give credit where credit is due; my lovely wife Claudia christened the dish with a name far superior to my “penis corn dog” – the poetic and lyrical “Dick-on-a-Stick”.

So how did it taste, you ask (or maybe don’t)? Well, I won’t spoil the fun and cinematic splendor of letting you see for yourself the preparation and consumption of the dish in our little porn flick below. My only regret is that we couldn’t get Justin Timberlake and Andy Samberg to do the theme song.

Lindy and Grundy
801 North Fairfax Avenue
Los Angeles CA 90046
GPS Coordinates:  34°5’9.46″N 118°21’42.02″W

GALLERY: See images of Lindy & Grundy, the butchers who supplied the meat and Val and Eddie Lin preparing the dish

VIDEO: The making of Dick-on-a-Stick by Trippy Food and Deep End Dining

NOTE: The pig penis was provided at no cost by Lindy and Grundy, butchers. The content provided in this article was not influenced whatsoever by Lindy and Grundy although the double entendre was free-flowing.