Save A Cow, Eat A Bug

3rd Annual Bug Fest at Ripley’s Believe It Or Not!
Hollywood, California

A lubber grasshopper skewer

A lubber grasshopper skewer

Memorial Day weekend – you’ve just grilled that rib-eye that only hours before was calling your name through the cellophane while it lounged on a Styrofoam tray in Piggly Wiggly’s meat case. Just as you ready your steak knife and the tines of your fork plunge into the seared bovine flesh, a grasshopper makes a perfect vertical landing in the middle of your steak. You brush off the spry hopper and consider throwing the meat in the trash, feeding it to your faithful canine companion, or scraping off a thin layer of the steak and slapping it back on the grill. It turns out that according to a new report by Food and Agricultural Organization of the United Nations (seductively titled, “Edible insects: future prospects for food and feed security“), you’ve essentially chased off the true sustainable low-fat source of protein and the key to feeding the burgeoning, teeming masses as the human population soars over the next several decades. Entomophagy (the consumption of insects as food) isn’t the latest food trend; it’s been around since humans have been eating anything that moves, and is still prevalent in many cultures, but is slow to catch on in American cuisine.

Dined on bugs because I wanted to, not had to

Dined on bugs because I wanted to, not had to

The Ripley’s Believe It Or Not! Museum in Hollywood, California aims to replace that flyswatter with a spatula at its ongoing annual Bug Fest held in the museum’s lobby. As enticement to eat on the wild side, Ripley’s offers discounted or free admission (depending on the Fear Factor level of creepiness of the consumable critter), to be determined by The Bug Chef himself, David G. Gordon. Gordon is a native of Seattle, although he frequently takes his bug show on the road in addition to staging dinners in Seattle that would be the envy of Explorer Club diners. Author of such sultry, steamy tomes as “The Field Guide to the Slug“, Chef Gordon has also penned several cookbooks that give the term bug zapping new meaning, including the popular “Eat-a-Bug Cookbook“. The cooking demonstration is an extravaganza of epic proportions, and that familiar train wreck, deer-in-the-headlights look is a fixture on the faces of the attendees watching the show unfold. Crowned with an antennae-accessorized toque blanche, Chef Gordon towers over to what most people amounts to a reason to call the Orkin Man: several tapas-sized plates containing pairs of huge eastern lubber grasshoppers; giant desert hairy scorpions; over-sized crickets from Central America; and a lifeless, palm-sized tarantula. Bowls on the table held ready-made bug snacks (spicy Oaxacan chapulines and a Chex Mix featuring roasted crickets) as well as ingredients for the cooking demonstration.

Siete (a 7-legged tarantula) was not on the menu

Siete (a 7-legged tarantula) was not on the menu

During the presentation, Ripley’s manager Andrea Silverman worked the crowd by letting them cuddle with Siete, a live 7-legged tarantula saved from the Frialator. Chef Gordon acquires all his meats alive, and to the surprise of many, humanely dispatches them by placing them in the freezer where they drift off into a permanent sleep like (in Gordon’s words) a character in a Jack London novel. For most in attendance, the thought of intentionally ingesting insects is akin to driving penny nails into your own eyes, but Chef Gordon reminds them that they probably already unknowingly do. Handing out small cups of ruby red grapefruit juice, he informs the crowd that the beverage gets its red color from the carmine dye extracted from the crushed bodies of the cochineal insect; this coloring agent is used to color consumables from lipstick, to Good and Plenty, to alcoholic beverages such as Campari (take that, negroni lovers).  Gordon is quick to remind the audience that the scorpions and tarantulae are not true insects, but are an evolutionary baby step away from lobsters and crabs – bibs not required.

Chex Mix with roasted crickets

Chex Mix with roasted crickets

A slight admission discount is given for the entry-level snacks, with the cricket party mix being the safest; in fact, the flavor of the crickets themselves are pretty much masked by the other ingredients, allowing them to simply add texture and character to the snack. The chapulines are pretty commonplace in Hispanic markets in the Los Angeles area to where inclusion of these Mexican grasshoppers was almost mundane, at least until Chef Gordon speared them and dunked them into a rich, dark chocolate fondue. The smoky, crisp chapulines provided a savory accent to the chocolate and chiles – entombed in their cocoalicious blanket, these tidbits are guaranteed to melt the heart of your insectivore sweetheart. The bigguns required a bit more intestinal fortitude from the audience – there was nothing to mask the appearance of the colossal lubber grasshoppers from Florida. These 3-inch-long leaf-chewers were speared through the middle with a mushroom and chunk of bell pepper and then grilled with a dash of lemon juice, and there was no effort made to remove the legs or antennae. Fortunately, the grill was hot enough to firm up the typically mushy insides to where the grasshopper had a light, inoffensive, meaty taste, and the exoskeleton was crunchy enough to finish it in one bite.

Chef Gordon's scorpion scaloppini

Chef Gordon's scorpion scaloppini

Chef Gordon had a more elaborate preparation in mind for the scorpion, creating a dish he dubs “scorpion scaloppini” – after pinching off the venomous telson, Gordon dredged the arthropod through some milk and coated it in corn meal before pan frying it in butter. The inside meat had a shrimp-like flavor, but unfortunately the shell was not crispy enough to fully breakdown after considerable chewing. The tarantula was the pièce de résistance; the hairs were singed off with a lighter (Gordon formerly used a blowtorch but found that it cooked the spider) after which a coating of tempura batter was applied previous to deep-frying. The tarantula was dusted with paprika before serving, and Chef Gordon educated the crowd on the fact that the tarantula is soft-bodied, making the dish equivalent to a soft-shelled crab. Of all the bugs served, it was the meatiest – the flesh inside the legs had the texture of chicken, with a mild, unique flavor that made eating the spider a true treat.

The Bug Chef, David G. Gordon, starts his cooking demo

The Bug Chef, David G. Gordon, starts his cooking demo

The annual Bug Fest is a unique opportunity to learn first-hand about what might possibly be the ultimate sustainable food of the future while expanding your own gastronomic horizons, but feel free to simply observe if the thought of consuming insects bugs you.

Ripley’s Believe It Or Not!
6780 Hollywood Boulevard
Hollywood, CA 90028
GPS coordinates: 34° 6’5.03″N 118°20’18.48″W

GALLERY: See images from the 3rd Annual Bug Fest at Ripley’s Believe It Or Not! in Hollywood CA

VIDEO: Watch news clip of the 2013 Bug Fest at Hollywood’s Ripley’s Believe it or Not!

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Tower Of Flour

Pica Pica Maize Kitchen
San Francisco, California

The fabulous arepa tower at Pica Pica

The fabulous arepa tower at Pica Pica

It may come as a surprise that some of the most ingenious inventions or discoveries made over the years were not the by-product of countless man-hours slaving over a hot Bunsen burner, but rather the result of a happy accident; this list includes penicillin, x-rays, Silly Putty, and the arepa tower at Pica Pica Maize Kitchen in San Francisco. While the possibility of a Nobel Prize looks bleak for restaurant founders (father and daughter Leopoldo López Gil and Adriana López Vermut ), the native Venezuelans have debuted a menu item at their newest restaurant in the epicenter of The Castro that is garnering notice in culinary circles beyond the Golden Gate. Chef Monica Varela and restaurant partner and manager Tom Carlaccini were playing food stylist for a promotional photo shoot and tried to come up with the best way to present several of the stuffed arepas from the menu photographically; the choice was made to assemble the Venezuelan sandwiches vertically with a spike running through four of them for stability. The high-resolution still of the stack was eventually framed and mounted in the restaurant, prompting patrons to order the dish.

Watching the kitchen action from Pica Pica's balcony

Watching the kitchen action from Pica Pica's balcony

Arepas are Pica Pica’s bread-and-butter; the traditional South American corn cakes are about a quarter-inch thick. There are a variety of ingredients available that can fill the empty space between two moist, grainy and lightly grilled arepas; individually, these are about the size of a pupusa, but when ordering the arepa tower the quartet of South American sammies, smaller palm-sized discs are used. You could spend hours concocting the perfect fab foursome from the available fillings or simply trust the chef to put together a towering masterpiece of culinary delight. A vegetarian option comes filled with black beans, tofu, avocado and plantains; chicken rears its pointy little beak in a spicy version and a chicken salad with apple and avocado. Carnivores cruising The Castro in search of meat will be satiated with the tender and savory pork and beef options – unless you’re a competitive eater by trade, consumption of the arepa tower is not recommended as a solo act.

Shredded beef pabellón arepa

Shredded beef pabellón arepa

Although the arepa tower is Pica Pica’s estrella brillante, the other menu items are outstanding. Yucca (the obligatory Caribbean root starch) is cut into thick blocks and served golden and crispy in a Belgian-style cone; the side dishes are fresh and flavorful. Bottles of sturdy, house-made mojo salsa of chiles, onion and vinegar grace each table, and after the culmination of the orgiastic feast your bill arrives at the table tucked into the frontispiece of a Venezuelan paperback novel. Pica Pica is still negotiating a liquor license and can be difficult to find as the only signage is a lettered door, but it’s worth hunting for to enjoy well-executed modern spins on traditional Venezuelan cuisine. The space is sleek with granite tabletops and clean lines, although the máscaras de diablo and portrait of The Diablo Queen watching over you while you dine may be a little unsettling.

While the arepa tower is a unique invention that brings diners to their newest location, the quality and presentation of the dishes is what will define Pica Pica Maize Kitchen as a superlative Venezuelan cafe that towers above the fray.

Pica Pica Maize Kitchen
3970 17th Street
San Francisco, CA 94103
GPS Coordinates: 37°45’45.38″N 122°26’3.40″W

GALLERY: See images from Val’s visit to Pica Pica Maize Kitchen in San Francisco CA

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Meat Me In Harvard Square

Mr. Bartley’s Gourmet Burgers
Cambridge, Massachusetts

The Chef Todd Fisher burger

The Chef Todd Fisher burger

Up until a decade or two ago, Harvard Square was the kind of place where you could browse through record stores like Strawberries, and maybe pick up the latest Rolling Stone, Circus or Creem magazine at Out of Town News or Nini’s Corner (where the resident tabby cat would perch on the stacks of magazines or the front counter). There were a plethora of unique options where you could chose to grab a bite afterwards at The Tasty’s sandwich counter, perhaps some potato skins and a beer at The Wursthaus, or coffee and dessert at Mug and Muffin or The Greenhouse. Sadly, since the development of Harvard Square as a sprawling outdoor mall replete with chain restaurants and clothing stores, those days are gone, with nothing left but a tear in the eye of faux John Harvard’s bronze cheek. There are a mere handful of survivors of the modernization of Harvard Square, with one of the most notable being Mr. Bartley’s Gourmet Burgers.

"Burger Cottage" now a painted on afterthought

"Burger Cottage" now a painted on afterthought

Bartley’s has stood watch across from Harvard’s historic brick-walled yard at end of the square on Mass Avenue since the Kennedy Administration – locals knew it as Bartley’s Burger Cottage, but it seems that in order to prosper in this era of elite foodism, they have graduated to gourmet status. If the truth be told (and it had better when you reside across from the oldest university in America whose Latin motto translates to “Truth”), the only things gourmet about the burger joint are its name, the burgers and the prices. The decor is Boston kitsch – the place looks like the Beantown version of a Delta Tau Chi dorm room, complete with a painted Ted Kennedy caricature, several busts of Elvis, the obligatory “Irish Need Not Apply” sign and the sign from the Red Line’s Harvard T station. Unless you’re lucky to get one of the smaller tables on either side of the space, it’s communal dining on plastic lawn chairs or bellying up to the bar (although in warmer months there’s outdoor sidewalk dining available).

Bartley’s burgers aren’t cheap – a barebones 7-ounce patty on a bun will set you back around six bucks (cash only) and will arrive at the table accompanied only by a handful of potato chips and a pickle unless you care to spring for a more substantial side. Those willing to drop a little more cash can order off of Bartley’s menu of celebrity-named concoctions such as The Jeremy Linsanity (a “pizza burger” topped with marinara sauce and mozzarella cheese),  The Guy Fieri (an oddly simple Muenster cheeseburger with sliced tomato and red onion, lettuce, and Russian dressing), or The Elizabeth Warren (a Swiss cheeseburger with grilled peppers) – most come with French fries, onion rings or potato salad. These namesakes will set you back between 10 and 20 dollars depending on how crazy you want to get; naturally I chose to get certifiable loony and selected The Chef Todd Fisher, an ample, coronary-contributing plate with a hot, juicy beef patty smothered in grilled onions and cole slaw and featuring a fried egg draped across the top. For amplification, this mélange is liberally drizzled with hot sauce and served with a cup of Cajun salsa. The whole shooting match is capped with a sesame-seed bun perched precariously on top and flanked by a mound of golden onion rings.

The frat-friendly interior of Bartley's

The frat-friendly interior of Bartley's

To persevere in a corporate chain environment, Bartley’s has found the formula for success and staying power – providing exceptional quality food in a casual environment – that has served them well for over 50 years. Since a meal at Mr. Bartley’s Gourmet Burger will take a healthy bite out of your tuition money, there’s not a high likelihood of it becoming your daily lunch spot, but it’s worth the old college try.

 

Mr. Bartley’s Gourmet Burgers
1246 Massachusetts Avenue
Cambridge MA 02138
GPS Coordinates:   42°22’20.91″N  71° 6’58.08″W

GALLERY: See images from Val’s visit to Mr. Bartley’s Gourmet Burgers in Harvard Square, Cambridge MA

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You Think I’m Psycho, Don’t You Mama?

Psycho Donuts
Campbell, California

Nurse, get me a Rabbit Roadkill, stat!

Nurse, get me a Rabbit Roadkill, stat!

It would be a forgivable mistake to dismiss Silicon Valley’s Psycho Donuts as a novelty store – the windows and glass doors on the otherwise normal-looking storefront in a tiny Campbell, California strip mall are plastered with vinyl decals depicting a white van full of grinning cracker-factory orderlies chasing a frightened doughnut (“Donut Guy”). During normal business hours, a smaller version of the crazed confection on the run advertises that Psycho Donuts is “OPEN FOR INSANITY”; stepping inside the “asylum for wayward doughnuts”, your eyes are immediately drawn to a padded booth in the middle of a wall of original psycho art, while the basketball-sized eyes hanging in the window appear to be drawn to you. Before you can scan the glass case for the product of the dough-nuthouse’s cheerful insanity, one of the attendants hands you a small square of bubble wrap to occupy your time in lieu of weaving baskets or sculpting clay bunnies – if you still can’t make up your mind, a handy vertical doughnut roulette wheel stands at the ready to help you make that crucial decision regarding your loved ones.

The incomparable Monte Crist-Doh

The incomparable Monte Crist-Doh

While this all this bedlam might seem like diversionary doughnut disquietude employed to distract from baked goods noteworthy in appearance and name only, Psycho Donuts delivers the goods. With names like “Glazed and Confused”, “Cereal Killer”, “Headbanger”, and “Comfortably Numb” (a sad-faced straight-jacketed confection) once might dismiss the doughnuts as being of the same quality as novelty items available by mail-order from the Johnson-Smith catalog, but self-appointed Doctor of Donut Derangement Chef Ron Levi puts careful thought and culinary skill into each menu item. Although Levi is of imposing stature and could easily take down a raging lunatic, once he opens up about his creations you realize how much joy creating each doughnut brings him. Originally born in Israel, Levi’s family emigrated to Canada where he learned the trade, eventually bringing his skills to California. Opened as collaboration between Jordan Zweigororn and Web Granger in 2009, Psycho Donuts is a pastry palate colored by Levi’s limitless imagination. While lesser doughnutiers would cater to the expectation of providing holiday-themed doughnuts, Levi is uncomfortable with that kind of pressure; most of his more imaginative creations are the result of writing down the three or four ideas he gets stepping out of the shower. This past Easter saw Bunny Ballz (doughnut “holes” rolled in coconut), Rabbit Roadkill (a hand-size raised doughnut with the face of a lagomorph traffic fatality), and Peep Show (a raised doughnut with maple icing and a marshmallow Peep attempting to hatch tiny Cadbury eggs sitting on a nest of shaved coconut).

Yes, those are crickets and bacon atop the Chirp Derp

Yes, those are crickets and bacon atop the Chirp Derp

Levi’s talent has garnered recognition internationally – he recently competed on Episode 6 of Food Network Canada’s “Donut Showdown” featuring a doughnut that rose over the bar set by Swirls in Omaha, Nebraska with the breakfast of champions – the Malted Waffle Bacon Donut (Psycho Donut actually has several doughnuts employing maple and bacon in the recipe). If a Monte Cristo is more your speed, Psycho Donut has a plump disc stuffed with ham and cheese and dusted with powdered sugar. One customer came back in the store to report a confectionary error in the parking lot – as his wife bit into her Monte Cristo in the car, she was greeted with a spurt of jam, at which point Levi explained that it’s supposed to be in there. He enjoys concocting “boozy doughnuts” – for this past St. Patrick’s Day his doughnut with Irish whiskey glaze was a big hit both in front of and behind the counter (according to Levi, there was much spoon-licking going down in the busy kitchen). Initially the offerings appear similar to the bizarre sinkers found at Portland’s Voodoo Doughnut with shapes, toppings and decorations befitting of a doughnut shop with “Psycho” in their name, such as the Crazy Face, but the difference lurks below the surface – the flavors are overwhelmingly delicious. In the boozy category, the Strawberry Margarita is a regular menu item featuring tequila pastry cream, and strawberry icing with a spiral of lime, capped off with a freeze-dried strawberry and a pinch of Margarita salt; the colossal Sticky Monkey is a massive raised fritter rife with fresh bananas, cinnamon, rum, and caramel made with sea salt.

The Worm Hole, complete with mealworm

The Worm Hole, complete with mealworm

For National Doughnut Day in June of 2012, Levi went full-bore lunatic and devised a duo of dunkers that raised many an eyebrow of even the most seasoned doughnut aficionados – the insect-themed Chirp Derp and Worm Hole. The Chirp Derp is a chocolate cake doughnut blended with chipotle powder and vanilla; after cooking, it is glazed in dark chocolate icing with an artistic lacing of milk chocolate. Each doughnut gets an application of crumbled bacon and three strategically-placed bacon cheddar-flavored crickets. While the adventurous foodie might see themselves ordering a box of the Crickettes from Hot Lix and stopping for a dozen Krispy Kremes to attempt this insectavorian adventure at home, it will be lacking in Levi’s visionary skills as a master in the doughnut arts. The first thing that grabs you is the aroma – rich and sweet, like a hot mug of Mexican coffee. Be sure to engineer at least one Jiminy in the first bite; with the other prominent flavors of the doughnut cutting through, the crisp and smoky cricket is more for texture than taste.  The first sensation is the chocolaty sweetness, but then the bite finishes with the mellow chipotle burn – the best way to describe it is like an exotic Oaxacan pastry complete with chapulines accents.

Sticky Monkey, about as big as your head

Sticky Monkey, about as big as your head

The insect presence in the Worm Hole is more subdued – only a single meal worm stands at attention atop the doughnut in a loving tribute to the maguey worm that lies pickled at the bottom of a bottle of mescal. The light tequila-infused cake doughnut has freeze-dried jalapenos mixed into the batter (after several rounds of experimentation, Levi found that freeze-drying and then reconstituting the jalapenos prevents the doughnut from turning to mush in the cooking process). The ring is glazed with a lime icing and a cross-hatching of key lime and then lightly sprinkled with margarita salt with a Mexican-spiced Larvette rising to the occasion on the light green frosted landscape. The kick from the jalapeno is more pronounced than with the Chirp Derp’s chipotle, but it gets tamed by the frosting (whose citrus tang is perfectly accented by the hint of salinity). Both the Chirp Derp and Worm Hole are available on special occasions (such as Halloween or National Doughnut Day), but they are a special treat not to be missed and a unique experience and delicious entry point into the world of entomophagy.

There are currently two stores in the San Jose area, but with Psycho Donut’s rise in popularity they may find themselves having to expand to meet the demand. In Silicon Valley, to miss a visit to Psycho Donuts would be just plain crazy.

Psycho Donuts
2006 South Winchester Boulevard
Campbell CA 95050
(Second store at 288 South 2nd Street, San Jose CA 95113)
GPS Coordinates: 37°17’12.33″N 121°56’58.26″W

GALLERY: See images from Val’s visit to Psycho Donuts in Campbell CA

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Let The Paiché Bite Cha

Paiché Peruvian Izakaya
Marina del Rey, California

A paiche stands guard over the busy kitchen

A paiche stands guard over the busy kitchen

The fish approaches slowly, methodically – at three feet in length, the torpedo-like paiché (more commonly known as arapaima) is yet a juvenile, but his hinged jaw is capable of wreaking havoc on the waterway, the Steven Tyler of the pescatorian world. The armored paiché can breathe air, and it surfaces regularly to gulp oxygen; as it gets closer you detect a look of purpose in its cold, cloudy eyes and breathe a sigh of relief knowing that Chef Ricardo Zarate is bringing the recently deceased leviathan out on a tray to illustrate the namesake for his newest restaurant in Marina del Rey, California – Paiché Peruvian Izakaya. Asian (particularly Japanese) culture has influenced Peruvian cuisine over the years, and Paiché honors its inspiration by serving small, sharable plates with free-flowing libations in a sleek and modern room with an open kitchen and posts decorated with painted-on fish scales.

Paiche with aji amarillo and lemon vinaigrette, tamari and sweet potato mousse

Paiche with aji amarillo and lemon vinaigrette, tamari and sweet potato mousse

In addition to lending its name to the restaurant, the paiché is also featured as a main dish on the abundant menu. The fully-stocked bar jutting out into the front of the space at a crazy, impossible angle concocts a variety of alcoholic beverages with a Peruvian slant, such as the spicy and citrus Lima on Fire as well as traditional drinks designed to complement the dozens of dishes that seem to readily manifest themselves from Chef Zarate’s imagination to the plate. The options are as artistic as they are flavorful – the front-end of a massive, crispy, fried Santa Barbara amaebi shrimp appears to jut out from a plate while the meaty tail supports it wrapped in a column of filo dough and accented with jalapeno ponzu dressing; a quinoa salad supports a variety of wild mushrooms with a mousse of the fungus and huacatay sponge that the diner mixes tableside.

Pan-fried pacu rib meat

Pan-fried pacu rib meat

The paiché is reduced to small, business card-sized filets that are seared with a blowtorch and then accompanied by an aji amarillo and lemon vinaigrette and tamari on shallow pools of sweet potato mousse – it is buttery and light with a unique flavor surprisingly unlike what you might imagine a giant river fish to taste like. High in protein and Omega-3s, yet light and low in fat, the paiche is a healthy yet delicious foray into an otherwise undiscovered cuisine of the Amazon. Zarate’s arsenal also includes the piranha’s less-bloodthirsty cousin, the pacu – the fish resembles its notorious cousin in appearance (save for its almost human-like teeth) but grows to lengths of up to three feet. Although several deadly attacks have been reported, the pacu is generally more mild-mannered than the piranha, and because of its size is a more bountiful source of food (both in the Amazon and at Paiché).

On the night I sampled the pacu rib meat, Chef Zarate prepared it with an aji anticucho marinade and a miso glaze finish – the cut was pan fried very simply and the result was a dish that resembled a pork rib and melted like pork belly with a crispy, seared skin. The pacu is Zarate’s secret weapon – even though diners will want to enjoy the restaurant’s namesake fish, the pacu is a superlative dish that will generate a great deal of talk in Los Angeles gastronomic circles.

Paiche Peruvian Izakaya in Marina del Rey CA

Paiche Peruvian Izakaya in Marina del Rey CA

Paiché opens April 12 and is poised to be one of the most anticipated restaurant events in 2013; with something to satisfy every taste and unique and exotic seafood offerings, the newest addition to Chef Zarate’s empire will be the hottest ticket of the season. Be sure to experience both the paiché and pacu – eat them before they eat you.

Paiché Peruvian Izakaya
13488 Maxella Ave
Marina Del Rey, CA 90292
GPS Coordinates: 33°59’10.03″N 118°26’30.50″W

GALLERY: See images from Val’s visit to Paiche in Marina del Rey CA

NOTE: This cost for this meal was provided by the restaurant. The content provided in this article was not influenced whatsoever by the organizer of the event.

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