A Whole Load of Carp

Omaha, Nebraska

Carp (Joe Tess Place)

Caption

The often maligned, always delicious carp

In my never ending quest to seek out the unusual and unique, I was slightly nervous heading to Omaha, Nebraska. I mean, seriously – Omaha? I’ve always relied on asking the locals (usually at the hotel) where I can get food unique to the area; I’ve only been disappointed once when someone in San Diego directed me to Taco Bell for Mexican food. In this case, the desk clerk asked, “Have you been to Joe Tess?”

There are no fancy awnings or wood-and-rope walkway, no koi pools, no Cape Cod-style affections on the outside; it’s a simple, cinder block building on a residential street. Since their specialty is seafood, the decor inside looks like someplace you might find on the New Jersey turnpike, like a converted Denny’s with nets, mounted trophy fish and rustic signs on the wall; the bar is shaped like a wooden rowboat. The name bothers me a little – it seems in desperate need of an apostrophe, but hey, it’s not my restaurant.

Inside the nautical-themed Joe Tess' Place in Omaha NE

Inside the nautical-themed Joe Tess' Place in Omaha NE

I know I haven’t presented anything exciting here; Joe Tess Place is a small neighborhood restaurant that started as a tavern in the early 1930s, specializing in seafood… oh, wait, did I say “seafood”? Scratch that – make that freshwater fish (salmon, walleye (pike), catfish, tilapia, trout and carp). Yes, carp. Carp is their specialty and they proudly boast that they catch and prepare it themselves. They are so well known for their carp that it’s listed as “Famous Fish” on the menu. For those unfamiliar with the fish, these are pond and river dwellers that look like goldfish on steroids. The reason you won’t find them in a basket cuddling up with fries at Long John Silver’s is because most people regard them as garbage fish. They are bottom feeders, eating everything (and I do mean everything) they can find at the river bottom.

I asked the waitress for a recommendation, and she suggested a Double Fish Dinner, which comes with two pieces of “ribs”. Like you, when I think of ribs the image of those colossal bronto-ribs that upend Fred Flintstone’s car pops into my head, so I was trying to figure out what a rack of carp ribs would look like. What arrived at the table looked like two massive chicken breasts that had been run partially through a bread slicer. I asked the waitress if the chef sliced them, but she stated that the meat separates along the ribs as they cook. The fish straddled a large piece of rye bread that had caraway seeds and little chewy bits embedded in it (the bread was fascinating on its own). A small bowl of coleslaw was unimpressive, but not bad; the cottage fries (fried, pre-parboiled potato slices) were the perfect texture and not at all greasy.

But what of that dark brown delicacy that brought me there in the first place? Well, it’s definitely a departure from what you would expect from fried fish. The flesh is somewhat oily and a little spongy, almost like the texture of a firm bread pudding – if you’ve had bluefish, it’s very similar. In fact, it was hard to tell where the flesh ended and the batter began. The taste is sweet, yet with an undertone of something from a river. I was worried about the bones, but they were so large (like the long thin bone on a chicken leg) that the meat just fell off them. It’s somewhat surprising that their fame was built on a fish that is difficult to find on a menu anywhere else in the country, but I was glad I had the opportunity to try it. One more tasty critter I can cross off my list.

Joe Tess Place
5424 S. 24th Street
Omaha, Nebraska 68107
GPS coordinates:  41°12’9.82″N 95°56’50.55″W

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It Don’t Mean a Thing if it Ain’t Got That Swing

Hebron, Nebraska
World’s Largest Porch Swing

I throw the largest swing off-balance by sitting at one end

I throw the largest swing off-balance by sitting at one end

Hebron 4th of July Committee chairman Tim O’Callaghan had seen a 4-person swing in Kansas and had the brilliant idea to create one four times larger in Hebron. His intent was to have the swing ready for the 1985 Fourth of July celebration and so he asked Reinke Irrigation Company to design a 16-seater.  The swing was made from metal irrigation equipment parts, and at a cost of about $250 and with the assistance of about 50 people, the swing was erected in time for Independence Day. The swing holds 16 adults comfortably and allegedly up to 32 small children (or elves). In 1991 it was moved from its original location to the current one in Roosevelt Park. Apparently the record is a point of contention around Hebron – Guinness no longer has a category for the largest porch swing, but the point is moot since technically the swing no longer resides on a porch. When I arrived at the park there wasn’t another soul in sight, and I had to imagine 15 other people on the swing with me.

Easy to follow directions to the pride of Hebron

Easy to follow directions to the pride of Hebron

As long as I was in town, I decided to drive around a bit and check out the environs. At around 1 PM on a Saturday, there were only about 3 cars parked on Lincoln Avenue, the town’s main street. The street itself is fascinating – Lincoln Avenue and several of the cross streets are paved in red brick, once popular late in the 1800s and early in the 1900s. The brick makes for a slicker driving surface but eliminated the problem of sloshing through mud, neither one an issue on the beautiful sunny day. Only two buildings had some semblance of being historic, both across the street from each other on the corners of 4th Street and Lincoln Ave. Only one (the Brand X Saloon) appeared to be open, and there was little activity anywhere in town. The town center was once lined with historic buildings but a 1953 tornado devastated the town, destroying much of the older structures. Continue reading

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They’re So Light and Fluffy White, We’ll Make a Fortune Overnight…

Solvang, Callifornia

Danish Pancakes (Paula’s Pancake House)

Danish Pancakes

The lowly pancake, elevated to breakfast of the gods

I know, never heard of Danish pancakes, right? Well up until recently you were in good company, as neither did I. On Mission Drive in Solvang, California, Paula’s Pancake House (no, not House of Pancakes) is a restaurant that appears to be devoted to the shy and seldom seen Danish pancake. A look at the their menu tells you that they’ve jumped on the American fare bandwagon – I’d be embarrassed to be caught publicly ordering a Spanish omelet is Solvang, but if that’s your cup of tea, you can do so at Paula’s. Those of you who know me (and that number is probably a high 6 or 7) know that I can’t go into an eatery and order something normal humans eat – I have a predisposition to find the most unusual thing on the menu. We had a party of 8, and most of our party ordered burgers, sandwiches and soup, but I had to find out what the hoopla was about Danish pancakes. These can be ordered in a variety ways, mostly layered with a variety of fruit. My eyes lit up when I saw that the special was the pancakes “stuffed” with Danish sausage, and I knew that I must have them.

Although I had no preconceived idea of what form this delight would take, I have to admit it was not at all what I expected. The plate arrived with two pancakes, both the size of the large plate. They were thinner than the warm, cozy monsters you get at a traditional pancake house, but not as thin as crepes.

Danish Pancakes

Paulas Pancake House, from Denmark with love

Lifting it’s skirt with a fork, I found diced Danish sausage liberally spread across the area between the two, and the same tossed about the landscape on top. What surprised me the most was that there was a light dusting of powdered sugar on top. The pancakes were light and every bit as tasty as they looked, and each bite was perfectly complemented by the mild taste of the pork sausage. I have to admit, the powdered sugar threw my taste buds off kilter – it added a devious sweet undertone to the dish that I think could would have been delicious without. Continue reading

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Have Yourself a Ball

Cawker City, Kansas

World’s Largest Ball of Twine

Does Cawker City really need a sign announcing the World's Largest Ball of Twine?

Is there some other reason to visit Cawker City?

One man’s punch line is another man’s Holy Grail (Jesus’ wine cup, not the Monty Python film). The World’s Largest Ball of Twine has long been a comical movie reference, as in National Lampoon’s Vacation (“Perhaps you don’t want to see the second largest ball of twine on the face of the earth, which is only four short hours away?”) and Michael (“I’ll get to see the world’s largest ball of twine.”), but as art often imitates life, such a behemoth actually exists. My pilgrimage took me to Cawker City, Kansas, and I call it a pilgrimage because it’s not easy to get to – you have to really want to see the largest ball of twine in the world. Since I planned to see all the other superlative sites in America’s heartland, I flew into Omaha, Nebraska and rented a car for the drive, ironically four short hours away.

Beautiful downtown Cawker City

Beautiful downtown Cawker City

Once you get out of Lincoln, Nebraska, you’re greeted with a relatively flat landscape comprised mostly of farms (corn and sunflowers being the most popular crops). Unlike The Thing on Interstate 10 in Arizona, you aren’t greeted with dozens of billboards leading up to it – you need directions, and they had better be accurate. Prior to my trip, I had called the city offices of Cawker City to get the details (What are the viewing hours? Is there an admission charge? Can I add twine to the ball? Do I need professional help?) and was told that the ball is in an open gazebo in the center of town, viewable 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. As far as whether adding twine was permitted, they gave me the phone number of Linda Clover (the ball’s caretaker) and suggested I contact her. I called and left a message, but didn’t receive a call back, and so I planned to stand in its majesty instead.

The world's largest ball of twine, dressed up for Halloween

The world's largest ball of twine, dressed up for Halloween

As US 24 turns into Wisconsin Street in Cawker City, the excitement starts. The downtown area is about a solid block long, and most of the buildings appeared to be unoccupied. Just past Lake Drive at the end of the block on the left stands a red metal gazebo that I drove past before realizing that this was my destination, the reason for my journey. I banged a yooey (as they say in Boston) and turned onto Lake Drive to park the car. As I parked and took out my camera and tripod, two women approached slowly in a sedan and gradually stopped beside my car. I was preparing for a Midwestern drive-by when the driver leaned out the window and asked, “Would you like to add twine to the ball?”

Dali's "The Persistence of Memory" aka "The Persistence of Twine" (in red circle)

Dali's "The Persistence of Memory" aka "The Persistence of Twine" (in red circle)

In any other city in America, this would result in me hopping in the car and speeding away as quickly as possible, but to me it sounded like, “Would you like to add a brick to the Great Wall of China” or “Would you like to help paint the Taj Majal?” It turns out that the driver was Linda Clover herself, and as I fell to the ground and started speaking in tongues, she asked if I was the person that left a message on the phone. She introduced herself as “The Belle of The Ball” and handed me a pre-measured spool of sisal twine, careful to note exactly how much was added. She gave me the details of the ball’s dimensions, but I knew that if everyone who comes to see it “winds twine”, the dimensions are a moving target – just know that it is over 40 feet around and close to 9 tons; unraveled, the twine would reach to Boston.

Note the stark realism of the historic card game determining Cawker City's name

Note the stark realism of the historic card game determining Cawker City's name

The ball was started by local farmer Frank Stoeber in 1953, and later donated to the town, which has been overseeing the upkeep and growth of the ball ever since. Linda let me know that the small store across the street sold souvenirs, and so I walked over cautiously, taking care not to be hit by the non-existent traffic. A sign on the door said to ring the upstairs bell if the shop was closed, but the proprietor was behind the counter. She explained to me that in addition to the antiques, she designed and created all the souvenirs (which ranged from “Twine Winder” T-shirts to salt and pepper shakers made to look like the ball). She suggested as long as I was in town I should see the Masterpiece Twine Walk (which consisted of recreations of famous paintings in the largely empty shop windows on both sides of the main block, featuring a twine ball somewhere in the picture). At the end, an empty store front had a diorama set up using bearded female mannequins depicting the legendary card game in which E. H. Cawker and three friends played a game of poker with the winner earning the right to name the town.

I can’t suggest you drop everything and book a trip to Cawker City, Kansas, but if you find yourself in the region it is worth the trip, if for no other reason to be able to say (the next time someone jokes about the world’s largest ball of twine), “Yeah, that’s in Cawker City, Kansas. Been there. Done that. What’s next?”

World’s Largest Ball of Twine
Wisconsin St.
Cawker City, Kansas 67430
GPS coordinates: 39°30′32.85″N 98°26′06.76″W

VIDEO: Watch Val wind twine on the world’s largest ball of twine in Cawker City, Kansas:

GPS coordinates: 39°30′32.85″N 98°26′06.76″W

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Don’t Fear the Pin Xe Lua

Westminster, California

Bull Penis Soup (Pho Nguyen Hue)

Pho Nguyen Hue

There is nothing like the smell of bull penis soup the first thing in the morning.

On those brisk fall days when you think to yourself, “A nice bowl of bull penis soup would be good right about now,” you need look no further than Westminster, California. Since the calf-making part of the ox (as I’ve learned is the proper name for the animal we call “cow”, regardless of sex) was one of the few I had not tried, I decided to find out for myself what I was missing.

Unless you decide you want to risk grandma walking in and having a heart attack while you concoct this brew on the stove, start entry level at a Vietnamese restaurant. The section of Westminster called “Little Saigon” seemed like the logical place to start, but which restaurant? Most food adventurers and local reviews pointed to a single place – Pho Nguyen Hue. The restaurant itself is in an unassuming storefront with plain round tables and metal chairs, with not much in the way of decoration, more closely resembling a VFW hall than a restaurant. The first thing I notice is that I’m the only Caucasian in the place, walking in like the Delta seniors into the roadhouse on “Animal House”. Generally, I view this as a good sign.

Pho Nguyen Hue in Westminster CA

Pho Nguyen Hue in Westminster CA

I was told to sit anywhere I liked and was presented with a menu. The recommended dish is Pho Pin Xe Lua (which I had written on a piece of paper), but I couldn’t find it on the menu. I showed the waiter the paper and asked if he had Pin Xe Lua and was told he would give me an embellished “number 12” (possibly another good sign when ordering bull penis soup). The #12 phở normally comes with beef tendon, rare flank steak and beef tripe, but my special order included the bull’s personality. He asked if I wanted anything else, but my imagination can’t envision what would go with that.

A short while later the waiter returned with a hot, steaming bowl of bull parts and noodles. A bad pho can ruin a virgin food experience, but the broth smelled wonderful, the meat was cooked to perfection and the noodles weren’t under or over cooked. I worked my way into it, trying some noodles, the other cuts of beef and thought that the number 12 would be good on its own. But business is business and it was time to address the bull penis (“Hello, Mr. Bull Penis!”). The first thing I noticed was that the various pieces had varying textures (you didn’t think they were going to bring a bowl of soup with a Tower of Pisa sticking out of it, did you?) Some bits were crunchy and chewy, much like the white cartilage you find between joints on a chicken leg; other pieces were fatty and dissolved with very little effort. Neither had much flavor on their own, but seemed to borrow it from the other ingredients in the bowl.

Was it good? Well, I finished the bowl. Would I go out of my way to have it again? Let’s just say I’m not warming up the car any time in the foreseeable future. Would I have it again if I find myself in the appropriate situation? You bet. As Donald “Buck Dharma” Roeser sang (with the bull’s cow bell ringing in his ear), “Don’t fear the Pin Xe Lua…”

Pho Nguyen Hue
10487 Bolsa Ave
Westminster, CA 92683
GPS coordinates: 33°44’44.02″N 117°56’48.43″W

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